The Sherlock Script Meets Bad Translator
by Spark Writer
Summary: What happens when you put various lines from the script of Sherlock through a crazy computer translator? Here are the hilarious results. Note: For some reason, Fanfiction deleted this story the first time, so now we're back up and running, but minus forty reviews. Sigh. :(
1. Chapter One

_(A/N): Has anyone heard of Bad Translator? It's a Bing computer program that translates your text multiple times (35 times max!) just to show the common errors that programs like Google translate can make. And of course I had a sudden, overpowering urge to put various lines from Sherlock through Bad Translator and post the results for your amusement. This fic is NOT me farming for reviews, being lazy, or destroying the Mofftiss's script. It's merely here for comic relief-and believe me, some of these lines have morphed into something extraordinarily funny. Oh, you should also be aware that Bad Translator sometimes forgets to change snippets of text back to English, as you'll see below. And of course feel free to review if you'd like more. Enjoy.  
_

**-1-**

**Dinner at Angelo's**

John: "You're not a girlfriend?"

Sherlock: "A woman is not really my field."

John: "Good, good, good. Do you have a girlfriend? In the meantime, good."

Sherlock: "Well, you know."

John: "Thus we will be friends."

Sherlock: "I know it well."

John: "And the United States should be very good."

Sherlock: "John the Baptist, I think this might work—"

John: "No—"

Sherlock: "—but—"

John: "You must prove that this music is bad."

Sherlock: "Thanks. Abundanci."

**-2-**

**The Drugs Bust**

Sherlock: "Get a room!"

DI Lestrade: "Rejecting evidence stems from the leaves of the plant."

Sherlock: "What is this!?"

DI Lestrade: "It's a child."

John: "This guy is seriously addicted; you're in the right place."

Sherlock: "_John_."

John: "He said to think you can find happiness on a daily basis, I'm sure."

Sherlock: "John the Baptist, you may not want to exist."

John: "No..."

Sherlock: "How do?"

John: "…You?"

Sherlock: "Shut up. I am not your speurhond."

DI Lestrade: "No. Anderson is my speurhond."

Sherlock: "Anderson? Is this going to be destroyed?"

Anderson: "Oh, I volunteered."

DI Lestrade: "Medicine is much attention. Yes, that is my name."

Sgt. Donovan: "Is this a person eye?"

Sherlock: "Move that back!"

Sgt. Donovan: "They were in the wave of microphone!"

**-3-**

**Severed Head**

John: "A head. A severed head!"

Sherlock: "The tea alone for me, thanks."

John: "There is no leader in the fridge!"

Sherlock: "Is there?"

John: "A rocket head!"

Sherlock: ""In other countries, and to give it? I don't care what it is? Produced by Morgo Bart's. Measure the saliva goes after death. See the taxi driver."

John: "Yes."

Sherlock: "A study on the lovely pink. Nice."

John: "I know that pink phone is a woman with a lot of pink. Did you like it?"

Sherlock: "Ummmm, not."

John: "Why not? I believe that you will be satisfied."

Sherlock: "Flattery? Xialuoke ·Xia Locke · Sherlock Holmes will appear within a few seconds the person and stuff. Incredible, amazing, but how much ignorant stuff."

John: "Wait, I didn't mean that—"

Sherlock: "Oh, you meant ignorant and imaginable in a good way! Look, it's no problem for me to sleep with the Prime Minister." (Haha)

John: Or that the council is moving around the sun."

Sherlock: "The second time! But that's not important!"

John: "It's not important to know this information?"

Sherlock: "Well, if you ever do, delete me."

John: "Are you sure you want to delete you?"

Sherlock: "Listen: useful things are my hard drive. Really helpful to fill people's heads with all kinds of nonsense."

John: "But it's a solar system!"

Sherlock: "Oh, Satan! We are home to the national football team of the month and it is a part of this issue."

_Should I continue? :)_


	2. Chapter Two

**-4-**

**Everybody shut up! Anderson, turn the other way...**

Sherlock: "These people are. I think it's usually on the road. SHUT UP! The second way is the first periodic; Anderson!"

Anderson: "I have a difficult time with my body."

DI Lestrade: "In all of this we must have silence and peace from you, Anderson."

Anderson: "Yes, God is love."

DI Lestrade: "Not again."

**-5-**

**Shock Blanket**

Lestrade: "What we have here before closing. But I believe that you as an enemy of the people. One of them for her, but not continued."

Sherlock: "Ah, I, that would not say."

Lestrade: "Give me well?"

Sherlock: "Recently excavated from a crack in the area was a bullet, but it is just a set of weapons in this shot dead walls. He shook his hand while I'm dangerous, obviously it is not violent truth or dare, this is clearly a very strong principles, you will find historical and military nerves of steel. [_Sees John_] Do you know what? I jump."

Lestrade: "Unfortunately?"

Sherlock: "Ignore them all. It was just, well, my collapse."

Lestrade: "Wait, where you going?"

Sherlock: "I just, I need to talk about the rent—"

Lestrade: "But I still have a problem!"

Sherlock: "Oh, what now? I was shocked to discover that I had a package."

Lestrade: "Sherlock!"

**-6-**

**Not at a crime scene!**

Sherlock: "Is everything in order?"

John: "Yes, I'm alright."

Sherlock: "Well, I may have to kill myself."

John: "It really looks like this: ... There was no ... Well, he wasn't a very good person."

Sherlock: "Ha ha…no."

John: "He was very scary taxi driver."

Sherlock: "In other words, you need to touch me here."

John: "Stop! Not at a crime scene!"

_A/N: Wow...this is just...I don't know. =)_

_I'm compiling a list of lines from season two (don't worry, season one won't be rushed) that are a must-have. Please give me your requests so I can do my best to translate those scenes. Ever onward! :D_


	3. Chapter Three

**-7-**

**Chip and Pin Machine**

Sherlock: "Time of treatment."

John: "So you won't have to."

Sherlock: "What? Why not?"

John: "It is on the line. The Center and the stored code."

Sherlock: "Your computer has a briefcase?"

John: "Sort of. It sits there and I assault it."

**-8-**

**Sherlock is looking over Eddie Van Coon's body**

John: Think he lost a lot of money? Suicide is common among children of the city."

Sherlock: "It isn't suicide."

John: "Come now. The door is locked from the inside. I had to go to the balcony."

Sherlock: "He was gone three days, judging from his clothes. For lunch, it would seem."

John: "Thanks to you, I think you are right."

Sherlock: "Any problems?"

John: Yeah. I'm not desperate to root around in some bloke's wayah."

**-9-**

**Sherlock attempts to recover John's memory of the graffiti**

Sherlock: "John is in focus. Close your eyes."

John: "Why? Why? Why is it you do?"

Sherlock: "I need to maximize your visual memory. Try to imagine what I've seen. Can you imagine it?"

John: "是..."

Sherlock: "Do you remember?"

John: "Er, yes."

Sherlock: "Where the heart is?"

John: "Yes!"

Sherlock: "You do remember?"

John: "Don't worry!"

Sherlock: "At least 62% of the problems and visions are because people forget!"

John: "Yes, but don't worry about forgetting everything."

Sherlock: "Really?"

John: "Yes, but it will remain if you can participate in my Pocket! The service…"

**-10-**

**Date Night**

Sherlock: "I needed some fresh air; this is the evening."

"John: "I actually have a date."

Sherlock: "What?"

John: "It's when two people who are in love each other have a good time, Sherlock."

Sherlock: That was my recommendation.

John: "No, no, at least I hope not."

**-11-**

**Chinese Circus**

John: Hello, I have two tickets reserved in the evening.

Box office manager: "And what is the name?"

John Watson: "Alright, uh, Holmes."

Box office manager: "Actually, I have three my name is."

John: "No, I don't think so. We have installed two."

Sherlock: [_from off screen_] I will return the call for me, as well."

**-12-**

**Shooting the Wall**

John: "What the HELL is the Trinity?"

Sherlock: "Boring."

John: "What is this?"

Sherlock: "Boring! Annoying! Boring! I do not know what I like. And I don't know where my junk is."

John: "So you light the wall on fire?"

Sherlock: "Oh, walls."

John: "And how's Russia?"

Sherlock: "Belarus? The top of the wall on the outside of the house. Not worth your time."

John: "You make no sense. You're a disgrace!"

_A/N: Oh my. Bad translator DOES ship! I believe John had the best line in the last scene (wait, maybe Sherlock did, actually) :D, this just keeps getting better. Thanks for telling me what scenes you'd like for season two! Keep listing!_


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